I landed in San Diego early this evening and have been philosophizing with a beautiful group of like minds to the point of my brain numbing out.
We got real with each other quickly, talking about identity, and marriage, and aging. It was lovely and real. And then both the guys I'm with threw down some spoken word and the young woman sang a song. I found myself wanting to play but having no material. Or at least that's what I told myself.
Tomorrow morning we film and I want to lose this serious side of myself. I want to make faces and be silly and remember how much I love to play!! I'm afraid I'll forget. I'm afraid I won't remember how or that I'll feel clumsy trying. I'm afraid I'm rusty and that I'll embarrass myself.
But that is just my zombie brain talking. The one that wants me numb and dumb. The one that prefers I remain serious and age quickly.
I'm calling bullshit.
Let's get some rest and let's throw a fucking party in front of that camera tomorrow.