You Are Avoiding Something — and We Know What It Is

By: Kelsey Schurer, Director of Stories and Learning in Purpose

“Anybody who has survived his childhood has enough information about life to last him the rest of his days.”

Flannery O’Connor, Mystery and Manners (Farrar, Straus and Cudahy, 1969), 84.

In early childhood, we experience what are called “collision moments,” which are moments in time that push against our perception of safety and the belief that “all is right in the world.” Usually, this moment removes what we most stand for, above all else, and replaces it with what we most want to avoid.

For Corey Blake, that first collision moment was when his mother lost her light and went into severe depression. She no longer reflected to him how special he was to her. Instead, what replaced this sense of specialness was a paralyzing darkness. This darkness became nothing, which became Corey’s polarity, the thing he most wanted to avoid: feeling like he was nothing. And so, to force out the darkness and bring back his safety of specialness, Corey made it his mission to make his mother laugh and return her light to her. To this day, Corey’s purpose is to support others in seeing what is special within them so that they may experience less darkness as they project their light into the world.

You, too, have your own polarity which you’ll grapple with for the majority of your life. In early childhood, a collison moment occurred and something forced you to feel unsafe. Ever since, you’ve worked hard to avoid feeling the pain of that polarity. And because you intimately understand your polarity, you can now wield that knowledge in favor of your purpose.

You can be of service to those who have experienced a similar polarity––to use your innate gifts to help those around you who suffer in the same, unique way that you do.

Want to know your polarity? Take the Our Courageous Culture: My Powerful Purpose workshop and articulate a unique way of knowing you and how you best can impact the world.

Check out a sampling of some of the polarities we have received from participants of the purpose workshop below. Although we all suffer some version of a polarity (it’s human nature, after all!), we all also possess a desire to alleviate the suffering through purpose.

That’s why purpose is so important.

It is the key that sets us free.

Abandonment Abnormal Abuse Addiction Agony Alone Anger Anxiety Automatic Bench-warmer Betrayal Bewildered Breakable Broken Burden Chained Closed Codependence Complacent Complicated Complication Conflict Conformity Confused Constricted Control Cowardly Cruelty Danger Darkness Death Depression Depressed Despair Destruction Discomfort Disconnected Disdain Disharmony Dishonesty Disinterested Disregard Disrespect Doubt Ego Embarrassment Emotional Empathy Existing Exploited Failing Faithless Falsity Fear Fiction Floating Follower Fragility Grief Hate Hatred Homeless Hopeless Hostage Ignored Immoral Impasse Imperfection Imposter Imprisonment Inadequate Inconsequential

Indifference Inequalities Inferior Inflexible Insecure Insignificance Invisible Irrelevant Irresponsibility Irritating Isolation Jaded Judgment Lazy Lies Lifeless Limitation Loneliness Lost Loveless Poorness Malevolence Misanthropy Misery Misunderstood Mundane Mystery Neglect None Nothing Othered Opacity Oppression Pity Powerless PTSD Quiet Racism Reality Rejection Resistance Secret Sadness Selfish Separation Settling Sharing Silent Son Stagnation Stagnant Static Stress Threat Toxic Tragedy Trapped Unartistic Unbalance Uncertainty Uncommitted uncommunicative Uncontrollable Undeserving Uneven Unfair Unforgiving Unimaginative Unjust Unlovable Untrustworthy Unwanted Unworthy Victim Voiceless Void War Weakness World Wound